more is less

A few days ago I said I would never write a blog and now here I am writing a blog. I have read just one person's blog in my entire life and sadly I didn't understand a whole lot of it. It was all about theology and philosophy and stuff that is way over my head. In other words, I have no clue what I am doing. All I know is that I need to get these thoughts out of my head so I can go to sleep tonight.

I feel like I am blindfolded and God has taken my hand and said "trust me." I have no idea where I am going. All I know is that I have been told to trust... whatever that means... however that looks.

The reason I did not want to write a blog is because I did not want my thoughts exposed for the world to see. That is so scary. And I am one h*ll of a scaredy cat. My fears range from turbulance on airplanes to puke (as weird as that may be). To deeper stuff too like opening up and accessing the depths of my heart and emotions. To know and be known. Isn't that what it's all about? To love God and love others. How do you truly love others without giving of yourself and creating a safe space for someone else to spill their guts with you. To laugh and cry and express their fears and failures... and do the same in return. Without running the risk of getting hurt or being rejected, it does not seem possible.

But is it worth it? Is God not big enough to pick up the pieces of a broken heart? To mend a wounded spirit?

Risk. God is asking me to take risks right now. And trusting Him blindly is first on the list. So here I am. Risking. Trusting. This may be my first and last blog. Or maybe it will be the first in a series of rants and raves and revelations. Who knows.

More is less. The more I know, the less I know.... Right now I am figuring out how to be okay with that.